Whoa, Red Flag!

May 7, 2010

This morning, I had an interesting meeting with the president of a well-known international company. We discussed Lisa’s desire to have me provide some executive coaching for her. As part of my career mix, at any given time, I usually have one or two people for whom I am providing one-on-one coaching. My role in these coaching arrangements, in addition to providing a good dose of genuine encouragement, is to help people identify goals they’d like to achieve, give them honest feedback about how they are viewed by others, and share ideas about how they can reach their objectives.

In several ways, Lisa and her team are not doing well. By the end of the week she is near total exhaustion. She often doesn’t sleep well, she’s gained about 20 pounds over the last year, and she seldom is able to spend the time she’d like with her college-age daughter. Lisa’s team is full of conflict and short on open communication, and trust is pretty much absent. The stockholders are applying considerable pressure on Lisa, her team, and leaders at all levels to do more with less and to do it faster. In short, it’s a very tough environment.

Toward the end of our 1-hour meeting, she leaned over her desk and said, “I think people are pretty much who they are. Paul, I’m interested in having you coach me, but I’m 48-years-old, and I am who I am. I just hope you can deliver your messages to me the way I want to receive them.” Whoa, red flag!

Whether you’re a company president, a student, a stay-at-home mom, or a bartender, learning from others often means hearing things that you don’t want to hear—sometimes in ways we don’t want to hear them. And while our personalities are pretty much set by the time we’re about 25-years-old, we absolutely can learn and change throughout our lives. Every day thousands of people change the way they think about things and, in response, modify their behavior in order to live happier and more productive lives.

This company president is a great person, but Lisa will not improve her professional performance, her personal life, or her team’s functioning unless she becomes open to listening to others’ feedback without demanding that it’s presented in a way that does not make her uncomfortable. She’s stuck. Sadly, she will not get unstuck until she’s willing to take on the challenge of doing things differently without falling back on the quasi-Zen excuse that “I am who I am.”

Here’s how this morning’s discussion applies to you. You’re filled with potential, you’re designed for greatness. Not the superficial greatness that Hollywood and Madison Avenue ad agencies portray, but the potential to spend your life energy doing the things you were designed by God to do, the potential to live a purposeful life. This is true greatness. However, you’ll never reach your full potential until you are mature enough to let down your defensiveness, consider the perspectives of others, and adopt a willingness to try new things and to do old things differently. The only requirement is choice—your choice to learn along life’s journey and to apply those lessons for your own good and the good of others. What will you choose to do today that will allow you to grow into the complete person you were designed to be?